Killing Loneliness
by ohsillymelly
Summary: In a moment of weakness, Helen crumbles, but Will's not going to let her hush it off and act like it never happened.
1. Killing loneliness

**A/N: Soo. First time I'm publishing something here. This is the second fanfic of any sorts I've ever written, so it's NOT perfect by any means. Any feedback (the good, the bad, constructive, etc) is much appreciated (:**

Helen watched him walking away. She was proud of him, yes. He was phenomenal at what he was doing for Sanctuary, and he was phenomenal at something else as well. Bringing all the walls down that Helen had build around her to protect herself, that is. For she had loved, she had also seen all of them die as time stood practically still to her. Sad half smile played on her lips.

She was still watching Will's back when he swiftly turned around and walked back towards her. She had quite expected that; Will had not yet had his last word.

"You can't just play god and expect everyone else around you to agree Magnus! Yes, you saved Abby, but did you for a second stop to think WHAT YOU WERE DOING?" And just with those words, something inside of Helen snapped like a string on a violin. For days, had she been in pain to see all the emotion in Will, and how had it hurt her. For once, Helen let control of herself, and by that she let _her feelings_ come and take control instead. Her hands grasped Will's collar, pulling him closer, as the long hidden and ignored emotions struck her like raging tides.

"Magnus! What the hell!" And in her moment of despair, she stole a kiss. How sweet was his taste... So she stole another kiss, and another.

"Stop, Magnus!" He tried shoving her off rather violently. This wasn't the Magnus he'd grown accustomed to. But to his boss, words were no more.

She needed him. Oh, had she needed him for so long… For someone to care, simply put. She needed not only his trust she felt she'd broken, she needed not only his companion. For she needed him to chase away the ghosts of her past, bring sound to the silence that grew in her like a cancer. As her hands grasped him even closer, she let her head lay on his shoulder. Tears ran streaks across Helen's cheeks now, and she lifted her gaze slightly to meet Will's eyes.

It startled him what he saw. Such vulnerability in her eyes he had never seen before. He stood there, silently and unmoving now. Her hand took his hand to hers and guided it on to her chest. Magnus's heart was beating so fast; like a butterfly caged, longing to be released. Will swallowed hard not knowing what was to come, but the air filling his lungs was not relaxing, it was dark like the growing shadows of the night around them. His posture tensed even more. Things had taken the course of unexpected, and he definitely had not seen any of this coming. It wasn't something he liked admitting, either. Then again, did one ever want to admit they had missed something major? He let out a deep sigh, not knowing what to do. One wrong move, and he was sure his boss would retreat back to her fortress sooner than he could say 'wait!'

The silence between them grew longer, and she breathed in the dark musk of his. Not cologne, but the essence of him. Faint traces of sweat, the clean, fresh blues of the soap he used. The smell was almost intoxicating. She laid her head on his shoulder again, crying still. A pat on her back broke the last of her defenses, and her body started shaking. She bit her lip in attempt to silence her sobs, but bone pierced flesh and she tasted metal.

"Will... _please.._." The sobs grew impossible to be held in, and she clung to Will like he was the only thing that could save her now. In a way she knew it to be true. For Will was the illuminating light in her darkness. For so long she had cared and loved her closest ones, yet she had never let anyone close enough in decades. Decades of lived life; losses, pain, moving on and the loneliness was eating her alive. John, James, Nigel.. _Ashley._ Oh god.. Ashley.. Her knees gave in the pain, and she would have fallen if there wasn't for Will.

He had catched Magnus just in time. Will wrapped his arms around her, lifted her on his arms and took direction towards her room; it was the closest and therefore most convenient. Will was worried now. How could he have missed something this big? It bothered him, and seeing his boss this broken was almost scaring him. Almost. He was slowly starting to realize just how much his boss had kept from him and he couldn't help but to wish he had the ability to wipe away her sorrow. Will was pretty sure it wasn't his words his boss wanted to hear… not now anyway. He pushed the bed chamber's door open with his elbow and if the situation would be different, he would have stopped to admire the surroundings. Gently, he lay her boss down on the majestic bed and sat next to her. She was shaking from violent cries, and instinctively, Will's hand started moving up and down her back. He hoped that the little gesture would soothe her, let her boss know he could take whatever was to come.

Time ticked away for minutes and minutes, and finally the sobs died out. Will was still there, drawing circles on her back and she came aware of the touch now. It felt good, and for once it didn't feel threatening to her. Helen knew they were past private boundaries now. She turned just a little to meet Will's worried eyes.

"Will.. I.. I am so sorry. I should have not been so… so ", she was looking for the right word "weak."

"Shhh, Magnus, don't apologize. Everyone's allowed to have a slip every once in a while. That's what friends are for." He stood up to leave when her hand reached out. "_Please._" And Will sat down, wrapped his arms around his shaken boss and lay down with her. He understood a little more, now. Just how deep she was hurting, and just how long it had been since someone had been allowed as close to his boss as he was now. Magnus finally drifted into blissful sleep, and Will kissed the back of her head softly. Not much longer, he was asleep too; his arms still wrapped around her. For they were killing loneliness.


	2. Awakenings

The first thing to pierce Will's consciousness was the smell of violets. He let out a sleepy, pleased sigh. He'd always been fond of violets. Next thing he noticed was that the shape he was holding into was all but familiar. Clearly, it wasn't Abby's. This figure… while curvy, had more muscle to it. That instance, Will opened his eyes and stared at the back of Magnus's head. Yeah, definitely not blonde. Now, what the heck was he doing in… wait, her bed? He moved nervously, and just then he remembered. He relaxed a little, inhaling more violets.

The lights were still on, and Will now had the perfect chance to study the room without being a peeping Tom. He got up in to a sitting position, careful not to wake up Magnus. The room was neat and tidy, but what had he expected really? The colors of décor were all rather earthy, subtle. No bright colors. Reserved. Just as Magnus. The only pop of color in the room were the glimpses of rainbow the crystal lamp cast to the eyes of the looking.

Will couldn't help a little smile escaping his lip. The most dominating furniture of the room was, of course, the bed. It was antique, heavy, and had regal touch to it. So Magnus. He smiled again. Just how much a room could tell about the person occupying it if you knew how to read it. A room in general was not much more complicated than a book; both gave clues that lead to conclusions. Will supposed, the only real difference was the fact most people didn't bother to look at ordinary objects with much thought. But then again, Will was a profiler and looking was to be expected of him. He paid attention to details. It sure as hell wasn't his muscles Magnus had hired, since he only had just about enough to lift his own weight. _Yeah_, he thought to himself, _I'm no macho man._

04:55am. He was a little surprised actually, to find a digital alarm clock on the night stand, rather than one that suited rest of the room. Will looked at Magnus again to make sure she was still asleep, that he hadn't waken her up. And holy sweet Jesus she was beautiful like that; all relaxed and calm. Her lashes were casting shadows against her alabaster skin, and her lips… Like ripe roses. _Wait. Wait a second. What the heck am I thinking?_ Simple as, Will let those thoughts go. He respected Magnus enough to do so. Instead, he stood up as silently as he could and made his way towards the door. As he was about to leave, he let that thought go too, as Magnus started moving restlessly. She winced and even in her sleep, her posture grew protective. Will turned off the lights instead and retreated back to bed. He lay down and wrapped his arms around Magnus once more.

"Shhhh.. It's alright."

And as Magnus's breathe found a steady pace again, Will fell back to sleep.

Her eyes flew open, and her instincts told her to run. The arm at her stomach, however, told otherwise. Slowly, haunted images from her nightmares died for the morning and she forced herself to relax. The tightening grip on her stomach told her that her protégé was about to wake up. Helen never considered herself to be a woman to retreat from a battle, but the awkward morning after –conversation didn't quite tempt her either. If there was one thing Helen absolutely despised, it was not being strong. Showing signs of weakness. Showing that behind everything that being immortal came with, that behind it all, she was just as vulnerable as any. Helen wasn't a cold woman, not by any means, but staying above everyone kept her mind clear. For someone who had lived as long as she had, losses were inevitable, and the more she allowed herself to feel and the more knowledge she allowed for others to see, the more each of those losses hurt. One who fantasized about being immortal was a bloody fool. A long sigh escaped her lips. Oh yes, indeed she would dread the inevitable conversation ahead. Though, not by the slightest bit, was she not grateful for Will. Grateful she was, and she could not even deny that it had felt quite liberating to let it all out.

Gently, Helen wriggled out of Will's arms, ignoring the little voice in the back of her head that insisted she should linger a little longer. She sighed again. How long had it been since she'd last been held close by anyone? Furrowing her brows, she hushed the thought away and tiptoed towards the bathroom door.

"Good morning, Magnus."

"Good morning."

Her response was rather sharp, and she was getting her defenses back up.

"Oh, no no no, Magnus, you're not going to do that."

"Do what exactly, Will?"

"You're not going to pretend last night didn't happen and we are going to talk about it."

Oh god, sometimes she hated how persistent her young protégé could be.

"I think, young William, that you may be putting too much thought into what does not require such." She closed the bathroom door behind her and leaned her hands against the sink. The portrait of her was upsetting and the mirror told her no comforting lies. Her eyes were still bewildered. Her guards were not back up. She slid to the floor, folding her arms around her legs. Inhale… Exhale… Inhale… Exhale…

When the door knob twisted, Helen resisted a childish urge to push herself against the door. She looked up into her young protégé's worried eyes.

"Worry not, it takes a quite bit more to have me snap. Now, if you could just let me get fixed and I shall return back to work."

"No."

She still thought it was worth trying.

"And I also think that you should not be so keen to forget who your boss is. You've stepped quite a few boundaries with your actions."

"No. Helen, I am your friend and I was being a friend when you needed one."

Oh, yes. Always the profiler.

"Friendship to you means it is alright to share a bed, then?"

She knew she was using cheap tactics. When Will flushed, Helen could not help but so smile a little.

"I.. Gosh, Magnus.. You know, sometimes you can be quite a bulldog."

"How flattering. Now, could you please excuse yourself and leave me be. I am perfectl.."

Her response was cut short when Will's hands shook her shoulders. "No, you are not fine! Stop acting Magnus!"

For a woman of her years, she had learned quite a few defense tactics, and instinctively she closed her lips on his. He had expected it to confuse his protégé to back down. What she had not expected was for him to kiss him back quite roughly, and then push her back. She looked at him in wild amazement. Worthy opponent, to say at least.

"Really, really cheap blow Magnus."

"Fine, let's play it by your rules, then. You honestly think a trick like that would work on me? Last night you kissed me too and it was fine, you were looking for friend. Now you go on and think I'm the every guy whose legs turn into jello when you offer a moment of lust? Really, Magnus, that is tactless."

Each of his words dug a hurtful hole in her.

"You are so god damn scared of letting anyone see behind the professional distance of yours that you'd to anything. Stop running away Magnus, life's a bitch, I know that, but not every bastard is going to hurt you!"

"You are wrong."

"No, I am not. I get it Magnus, really do. You and your immortality, but for God's sake, you're just going to stop living and hide forever, then?"

"When is the last time you took time for yourself? And I mean really took time for yourself? When is the last time you let some of that steam of yours out?"

"Stop it, Will.. Stop it!"

"No, Magnus. I am not going to sit back and watch you retreat back into nothingness when I know there is so much more in you."

Oh, he really had such talent of bringing her into tears, she thought bitterly and gave him a cold, cold gaze. She lifted her chin up stubbornly as a tear escaped and followed the shape of her cheek down to her chin.

"Oh Magnus.." And he wrapped one arm around her, while the other one carefully wiped the lonely tear away. To his surprise, Magnus didn't try and struggle out of the half hug. So, he secured another arm around her and rocked her.

"You know, Will, it does hurt quite a bit."

The words were so quiet Will barely heard them, but he nodded. He's gotten that much already. He wasn't delusional, he had known this very conversation would be hard. The unexpected part was how… how fierce his boss proved to be. No, fierce wasn't right. How much _more alive._ Much better, even if he hated seeing her hurt. Once the thought properly sunk in, he decided that he quite liked this new part of Magnus.

"I know, Magnus. But really, there's so much more into life than the bad."

"Oh, cliché."

Will smiled at that. So maybe it was one of those often said things, but it was true. Now that he had seen how much more there was beneath that professional Magnus, Will wasn't going to let her revert back. Even if it meant that he would actually have to be not only her friend but her shrink as well. And be patient. Be very patient. Too much pushing would probably end up getting fired. Maybe. He smiled again.

He was yet again surprised as he picked up her brush and started brushing her chestnut hair. No resistance. She was still quiet, but Will didn't mind. He knew she wasn't going to try anything silly, like other cheap dodging methods, or run away, even. For now at least, the battle was on his side. Will was sure though, that just as many knots the brush met, were ahead for them both. Once he was done brushing, he filled the mug he'd found on the sink counter with water and gave it to Magnus. He got a little smile for that, and that just made him feel warm inside.

"Thank you, Will."

His smile was wide.

"And I am terribly sorry for acting like I did."

His smile died a little.

"Magnus… You really are slow sometimes. You've missed my point completely."

"But.."

"No 'buts'. You don't ever need to apologize for who you are Magnus. I'm your friend, hear me? Besides, I cornered you, you reacted. It's only natural."

"Aren't you the shrink." She teased.

He had earned a smile from her again. Alas, it was a weary, tired smile, but it was another victory for Will. He returned the smile with ease. From dodging bullets (non literal) to cheesy smiles. Interesting start for the day, definitely. He chuckled at that, earning a curious glaze from his boss.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Now, do you feel like you're up to work?" Secretly, he hoped she would say no and rest, because lord knew she needed it.

"Yes, Will, quite fine enough."

And she got to her feet, gesturing him towards the door.

"Just don't think I'm over discussing with you", he warned as he left her to prepare herself.

A couple of days had flown past since the disastrous mental meltdown she'd had, and Will had given her space to breathe. Not that she'd done anything but tried to drown herself into her work, so that she wouldn't have the time to think and digest what had happened. It wasn't working quite as well she had hoped. She felt like her past was haunting her at every turn she took. Helen was not proud of how she had behaved, not at all. Crumbling.. She could even take that when kissing Will was on the other end of the scale. Now, the first time she had done that, it was not so much about sexual, or anything related, more like a cry for help in her moment of weakness. But the second time.. Dear god, where had her morals gone? What had she been thinking? Had she been thinking at all? Not much, she was afraid.

She placed her earrings in the jewelry box, and without turning to look, she knew she wasn't alone. She also had a bad hunch it was Will. And, indeed, he was.

"Magnus."

She turned around slowly. If he was here for another row of discussion and crumble, she wasn't ready yet. Not now. Not never. Guilt was eating her insides.

"Will.. I. I.. I.. " _For the good of God, I am over hundred and fifty years old, I can do this! _"I'm terribly sorry I kissed you. It was disgraceful."

"Tell me Magnus, do you let everything from the past haunt you? Do you even know what 'getting over it' means?"

"As a matter of fact, I do know what it means. I just wanted to ensure you know I truly do regret it." But she knew she was only telling a half truth. She, indeed, had a habit of carrying things from the past around for quite a while. It was just how she was; she liked to close things properly before setting them aside.

"If it relieves your ancient morals, consider me as guilty then, I kissed you back."

Oh, he had, but it didn't remove the fact Helen knew her behavior had been unacceptable. Wait! He. Had. Kissed. Her. Back. Her eyes grew wider as she looked at Will.

"You.. you.. Swine!

"I.. What?"

"How could you do that to Abby?"

Will looked awkward. He was turning his weight from leg to leg, and his eyes were looking at anything but Helen.

"Okay.. Yes, Magnus, I am a swine." He then blurted, slightly blushing. Helen sighed at the sight.

"Well, we can consider the case closed, then. Now, I have work to do." She pointed at the pile of files on her nightstand. Truth be told, they were only there so she would have the perfect excuse to evade Will.

"Fine… " He was walking away. "I am sorry."

"Me too, me too", she said to herself after he'd left.


	3. Heartbeats

Next week and a half passed with them only seeing each other in work related manners. To Helen, it felt relieving, but odd also. She had grown rather fond of her protégé, and she had grown accustomed to the friendly banter that had been going between them before. And Helen was afraid she had severed the bond between them. Week and a half had felt longer than it had been.

Helen finished cleaning up the infirmary after she had had to do an emergency delivery to a Fihgtor. Luckily, the wolf-like woman and her little one were both already well on their way to a full recovery. A knock on the door shook Helen out of his thoughts and her posture became evasive.

"Yes, Will?"

And she immediately rushed closer. Something was wrong with him. The shade of his skin had taken a ghoul tint to it and he looked feverish. Helen quickly led his protégé towards the infirmary bed and began preparing needles for blood samples.

"Will? Can you hear me?" He nodded at her, but very weakly, as he lay back on the bed. It wasn't reassuring to Helen. Not at all. She looked worried now.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"The.. little.. figh..somethinn.." it took him a while to finish "pee."

"Oh Will! Did you not use any precaution?"

"Tha. help. veery." And he lost his consciousness.

"Bloody hell!" Helen cursed out loud. How could he have been so ignorant? The only thing that would work against the highly poisonous urine of a Fihgtor was a blood transfusion. Even then, it was a matter of time and luck. And it scared Helen. Before five minutes had passed, Helen had herself connected to Will through a tube, transfusing her blood straight into his bloodstream. It was the quickest solution. Never mind the possible consequences. With shaky hands, she radioed Henry.

"Henry, once Kate gets back, you two will take over." She forced herself to calm down, so her voice would not tremble and give away any signs of fear. The fortress could run without her, but it would run so much better if she spared them of worry.

"Sure thing, doc."

"Wait. What's happened?"

Helen took a deep breath before responding: "Will got poisoned by Fihgtor urine. I'm transfusing my blood into him right as we speak. He should be fine, but I'm afraid it will take me off today's work."

"You sure you don't need help down there?"

"No Henry, not at the moment, thank you."

She put the radio aside and began removing Will's top to locate any scratch the poison could have entered in to his body. Using scissors one handed, without shaking the transfusion tube was tricky, but she forced her mind calm and sharp, and eventually she got rid of the piece of green clothing. After locating the scratch on his left bicep, she wired Will in the heart monitor.

After drugging Will as heavily as she thought to be safe, she ran her gloved fingers carefully towards the only scratch she'd found. Helen had to stop for a while to stop herself from shaking. This was hard. So hard. Watching Will like this, clinging to his life by a string. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. With a scalpel on her hand she opened the scratch to a small cut. Bad. Bad. Very bad. Inhale. Exhale.. The skin around the scratch was rapidly turning into a forlorn color of black. With precision, inch by inch, she sliced the flesh around the scratch, dug in, and extracted the dead part of flesh. She then took out thick cream-like substance she had herself created. It would absorb in immediately and work as antibiotics did. Only it was stronger, much stronger. Once that was rubbed in, she sewed the wound close. Not the most beautiful stitching ever, but it was so suffice. If Will would survive, he'd bear a small scar on his left bicep for the rest of his life. She didn't want to think about the alternative option to survival, as it hurt her deep within. Her chest felt heavy. Finally, as she'd done everything she possibly could, she allowed herself the tears. The salt soaked her face, and her vision became blurred.

"Don't you dare and die on me my young William", she whispered through her tears, running a finger on his cheek.

Finally, Helen rolled a stool next to the bed. From there, she started staring the clock. Hours passed by, and without removing the tube, she paused the transfusion for now. Next transfusion would not be until the morning, and it was hours away. Those were quite possibly one of the longest hours Helen had countered in her long life. She was not ready to lose Will. Not like this.

She woke up somewhere middle of the night and noticed Bigfoot had brought in a tray. Helen didn't care about food for the moment. She soon discovered that Bigfoot had also removed Will's jeans. Good, it would probably make Will more comfortable once his consciousness would start to re-surface. She still refused to give alternative ending any thought. She couldn't. Helen let her head rest upon Will's chest. His heartbeats soothed her eventually back into restless, shallow sleep.

Morning came, and Helen made another transfusion. Seamlessly, morning changed to noon, and she fell asleep again. The day passed in such manner; she drifted on and off the sleep. Giving so much blood had made her tired, too. That, and the gut wrenching worry.

Bigfoot had came in again, and this time he refused to leave until Helen agreed to down a bowl of soup. She couldn't taste a spoonful, it might as well have been boiling hot, and she wouldn't have noticed. Her mind was all focused on Will for the time being. Bigfoot left and Helen settled into the now familiar routine of listening Will's heartbeats while resting her head.

The tickling sensation on his chest finally brought Will back from the depths of near death. It took him a while and whole lot of focus to open his eyes. More focusing and a beginning headache later he figured out the source of the tickling. Magnus's head lay on his chest, chestnut curls sprawled across the pale of his skin. _Wow.. Things must be bad. _Clumsily, he tried to coordinate the less pained right arm at her head. It took him two tries, and third clumsily landed his palm on her head. He felt the softness of the curls around his fingers and squeezed. It had never felt so good to be alive, never mind the pain and the heaviness in his whole body. And the violets.. The violets..

"Magnus." The sound came out rasp, near grumble, but it woke her up. And then she was sobbing and wetting his chest with her tears.

"No." His thumb landed on her upper lip. "Don't.. cry.. Can't.. bare see you.. cry." Never mind the pain.. Never mind the pain as long as she would stop crying.

"Oh, Will.. Oh Will!"

No. Was not working. She was still crying. Will fought against the clouds that were persistent to have him unconscious again.

"Sssshh.. It's alright.. Helen.. Don't cry.. Shhhh.." And the clouds won, blurred his vision and shut his consciousness for much needed rest in order to heal.

He was completely oblivious to the kiss planted on his lips and softly spoken words: "Don't you ever dare to frighten me like this again!"

This time around, Will was more aware, and his mind was much more clear. The tickling sensation of his boss's curls on his abdomen was still there. He couldn't help but to think how good it felt. He opened his eyes only to look into the deep oceans of Magnus's blue eyes. Will's hand reached her head without clumsiness now. Something had changed between them and Will couldn't quite figure what it was. Her head on his chest, his hand caressing the soft of her curls… It felt intimate. And those blue eyes.. He felt as if they were looking straight into his soul. He was drowning and for a moment, he forgot how to breathe. That earned him a smile from his boss, and the spell was broken.

"Any nice beats there?"

His boss lifted her head and part of Will wanted to tell her not to do so. Her hair was all tousled, and it struck Will that she must have not left his side at all.

"Quite a scare you gave us all."

Focusing wasn't without effort, and he then remembered why he had ended up in the infirmary in the first place. He frowned and shifted uncomfortably. He directed his eyes on the wall instead of Magnus.

"How long have I been here Magnus?"

"Three days."

"Ouch!"

"Indeed."

No more words were spoken, and all though Magnus's head wasn't resting on him anymore, she was close enough for him to smell the violets. Will studied his boss's features with new eyes. His brows furrowed. He couldn't quite put it together, couldn't quite name the subtle change in the way he now saw her. When Magnus suddenly straightened her back and rolled the chair away, Will noticed waving Abby behind the glass wall.

"Oh Will.. My Will-pumpkin!"

What Will didn't see was how his boss wriggled her nose in obvious disgust.

Helen made a quick exit from the infirmary as Abby came in. She straightened her skirt and flexed her muscles and steadied her pace now. On her way towards her room, she saw Henry walk by her.

"Hey, boss, you look like you could use some rest!"

Oh, the ever so blunt Henry.

"Nothing a decent cup of tea won't fix", she smiled gently.

That night, Helen lay on her bed, and sleep refused to come and ease her from her thoughts. God knows, she was so tired it would have made the perfect sense for her to pass out as soon as she'd closed her eyes. It wasn't the case. Something was missing. And just then, it occurred to her that what she missed was the soothing sound of his protégé's heartbeats. Her eyes widened in shock of the pandemonium of the realization and the darkness of her room suddenly felt hostile. She hadn't felt quite so defenseless for years. Helen folded her arms around the pillow and stared into the shadows for a long, long time before she fell asleep.

And in her dreams, she heard that soothing sound of his heartbeats again.


	4. Devil wears Prada

One thing was starting to be more and more clear to Will. Women were from Venus, period. He had tried to take his distance from Abby, but the harder he tried, the harder she glued herself around him. Ever since he'd gotten out of infirmary, Abby had used every little excuse possible to be close to him. No matter how he tried giving her subtle hints, she just didn't get it. It wasn't that Will found the idea of him and her suddenly disgusting or anything like that. It was just that he was slowly realizing that the bubblyness that he had once thought was sweet was starting to be everything but. And for fucks sake, after a long day at work, the last thing he wanted was to hear her meaningless sugarcoated nonsense. The woman just did not come with a turn off –button. Was it really too much to ask for a decent discussion? Was it really too much to ask for a little space, a little time on his own? Will didn't think it was. While he thought Abby would make some man very happy some day, he also thought that it wasn't going to be him. To put it simply, he had just lost his interest after it had became more and more obvious all Abby wanted was a perfect little family and a normal life. Actually, now that he really thought about it, he was sure that even if things would have gone well for them a little longer, they would have found themselves trapped eventually. What was abnormal was his life.

Talking about women from Venus, Magnus was just as much from there as Abby was. He resisted the urge to pffft out loud. Actually, maybe he should ask her for some lessons at evading. They would probably become useful with Abby. His boss had made an art form out of keeping herself busy and evading Will every time he tried to approach her. All in all, Will was majorly frustrated. He wanted to know what he had done to hurt Magnus. After that night of being a shoulder to cry on and the morning after everything had changed. While Magnus seemed polite, and while she occasionally bantered like things were the same, things were definitely not the same. The woman was a riddle unsolved, and Will wasn't sure if he would ever learn to read Magnus like he read others. With all honesty, he had to admit he missed the discussions they used to have. He missed her filling his curiosity, and Will doubted he would ever stop being curious about Magnus. Maybe it was about the time to confront her. Yes, good idea. He was tired of feeling like a dumb puppy, and not that puppies weren't cute, but enough was enough.

Just as he'd thought, he did find Magnus from her office. The door was open and he didn't bother to knock. For a short moment, he got a glimpse of her unguarded. Her finger was playing with a loose curl and her expression was awfully cute, lips slightly pouty and brows furrowed. He was momentarily taken aback by the sight.

"Magnus."

She startled and lifted her gaze from the book she had been reading up to Will.

"Ah.. Will. If your matter is not urgent, I have a research to finish."

He walked towards her and she lifted her brow at him.

"Will, what.."

He grabbed her arms and pulled her up. The book made a low thumping sound as it hit the mattress.

".. on earth do you think you are doing?"

Good. Some emotion from her, at least.

"I'm tired of playing your games Magnus."

He had caught her off guard, and Helen's heart was beating fast as the adrenaline rushed in. Yes, she had known Will would eventually push her boundaries, but it didn't make it any easier for her. For she had realized just how much she cared of him. And that had scared her quite badly. Her protégé had managed to sneak into her heart in a way no other person had in a long while.

"I don't quite follow you, Will."

His arms on her shoulders felt like bolts of electricity. She resisted a devious temptation to kiss him. She didn't want to think how much her protégé had already figured out. Couldn't. Because no matter how badly she wanted him in every possible aspect, it was as wrong as a thing could be.

"You know exactly what I mean, Helen."

She could tell he was frustrated. Helen swallowed hard and then… Then she did the mistake of looking into his eyes. And it broke her a little inside what she saw. He was hurting and confused. It was all her fault. His gaze was locked to hers, and Helen knew he wasn't going to back down. She bit her lower lip and sighed.

"I'm sorry, Will."

"Magnus.. I'm not going to hurt you. Stop hiding yourself, I'm your friend!"

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight. Her head found an all too familiar place to rest on his shoulder. Helen inhaled the scent of him as he felt Will's tension slowly melt away. How good it felt to be close to him…

"I know, Will. I'm just not accustomed to letting anyone so close, I'm afraid." And she was speaking the truth, she was. It just wasn't quite the reason of why she'd been so focused into evading him.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Magnus." He repeated.

And how she wanted to believe him, but she knew better. Perhaps he would not hurt her intentionally, but nevertheless he would hurt her as inevitably time would claim it's victim. Though, maybe, just maybe it wasn't the worry of now? A half smile played on her lips as an idea formed in her mind.

"If you're not awfully busy, then maybe we could dine out?"

"Just tell me when", he chuckled in response and it made her feel joy how those eyes glistened.

"Holy sweet Jesus!" She looked stunning. This for sure was not a Magnus Will got to see all too often. All dressed up and.. sexy. The little piece of shiny black fabric licked every curve of hers and with those strappy shoes, her legs looked never ending. And her eyes.. They looked deeper than ever. And gosh, the lips! His boss should definitely wear red lipstick more often. He grinned, letting out a whistle as he bowed.

"My, thank you Will, I take it that I look quite all right."

"Quite all right is the understatement of the century."

And she smiled, and the familiar dimple took it's place on her cheek. As her boss turned around and walked towards the car, Will lost his breathe again. _Jesus Christ_. He swallowed hard. Magnus most definitely had a very nicely shaped as… sitting muscles.

The dinner was most certainly delicious, and Helen had to admit it felt good to be out and about. Will had been right about the fact that she really didn't let loose all too often. And Will had been most entertaining companion so far. For the evening, things had felt closer to normal. Whatever that may mean, she didn't quite know. Helen didn't feel like ending the evening, not yet. She thought that a drink or few could not hurt.

"So, Will, know any place to get a good glass of red wine?"

As it turned out, the red wine was awfully bitter, but she didn't mind the flavor after third glass. The nightclub was a pleasant surprise however, though was not something she would have ever entered on her own choice. Décor was quite minimal, but the few abstract art pieces hanging on the walls were actually rather nice. She looked at the young suburban people dancing and turned her eyes on Will. A mischievous smile played on her lips.

"Do you know how to dance, Will?"

"I.. I.. I.. " He startled in panic. Helen laughed.

"Worry not, my young William, I'm quite good leader."

Yeah. She was. No doubt of that. He should have just said no, but that smile, and those blue eyes.. How could have he said no to her? He cursed himself for being weak as he tried to follow Magnus's lead. He had no damn idea how she managed to move so smoothly with those killer high heels. It would have been a small comfort at least if she would have been at least little clumsy. But, no. He was focusing hard trying not to step on her toes, trying not to get too close.. And then he tripped. What a surprise. He tensed at the realization that his head was inch away from her cleavage.

"Now.. this is awkward", he mumbled to himself. And she just laughed that mischievous laughter of hers. Devil wears Prada, or how was it?

Will had no idea what his boss was going on about. He couldn't stop staring at that beautiful cleavage. Will wondered if Magnus had chosen that specific dress only to torture him. No, of course not, he should be ashamed of thinking his boss would do such evil things. And he should be ashamed of staring that cleavage, too. Somehow, quite possibly because he was drunk, he didn't really care. If that beautiful creature had came all the way down from Venus, surely it deserved a little admiring?

"Will."

"Hmmhm."

"Will, my eyes are up here."

Ouchh! Busted.

"Women are from Venus."

Magnus laughed at that as she stood up. Will's eyes had trouble following.

"I think it would be a decent idea to take a little walk. Otherwise, I'm afraid, you will feel quite awful tomorrow."

Tomorrow? Why should he care about tomorrow?

The cool evening air caressed Helen's skin like a lover, cooling down the flames. Maybe the dress hadn't been the most convenient option, but she couldn't help but to smile. Will's obvious admiration.. Yes, she quite liked that. It wasn't that men hadn't admired her, for they had, but this was different. Completely different, for she felt like the most beautiful thing on earth. Or Venus. She giggled like a young girl would. How was it that her protégé had not only chased away the ghosts, but the years, too? Or was it the wine? His hand on hers, oh, how right it felt.

"Venus, you said?" She couldn't help herself teasing him a little. Because for tonight, past and future had entwined, and all that mattered was now.

"Magnus.."

He was looking at her with new born eyes, oh, how beautiful she felt. His palm brushing her cheek sent shivers down Helen's spine. The fire inside of her took wind beneath flames and her lips touched his. His protégé's eyes blinked in surprise, but then.. Oh, then he kissed her back so sweet and nothing else mattered. How sweet was his taste? She felt a little warm, her cheeks were burning, and all she knew was that she wanted more.

"Helen." Softly spoken was her name as he pulled her closer and kissed her again. His lips found the pulse point on her neck, and he nibbled it gently. A moan escaped his boss's lips and it drove Will absolutely crazy. Breathing in the scent of violets, his hands wandered on the sides of her figure in wild amazement. How utterly, crazily gorgeous she was!

"I think", everything around him was spinning when she kissed him, tongue sliding in his mouth "that we should head somewhere more private."

Will couldn't agree more, and his feet, alas drunkenly, took a determined pace towards the familiar route to Sanctuary.

She had gotten him into bed, and he had passed out like a torch. All that tension, all those kisses, all the fire, the sparkles and he had just passed out? She furrowed her brows slightly annoyed and made a mental note that Will's tolerance for alcohol was definitely bad. Mumbling something about how men and beer were a bad combination, she pulled Will's shoes off. It took a little more effort to remove her high heels and carelessly she tossed them at the corner of her bedchamber.

Sighing, she looked at Will and then the door. She contemplated only for a brief moment before giving into the temptation, and she snuck in the bed next to him and wrapped his arms around her. And when she fell asleep, she dreamt of him.


	5. Force of nature

A/N: I am sorry this chapter is shorter than the rest, but it was the hardest one to write so far... Yes, more angst. Reviews, as always, are well appreciated. And the shallow being that I am, I admit, the more feedback I get, the more inspired I am to continue :)

The nocturnal being she was, she awoke at the threshold of dawn. She could feel sweat standing on her face, on her upper lip and forehead. Wiping it away, she closed her eyes, opened them and looked around her bedchamber and then back at the man lying next to her, as if she might still have been dreaming. Every inch of her body was tensed in sexual frustration the restless dreams had only made worse. She looked at her young protégé again and licked her upper lip. Stretching her long limbs, she sighed. Cues from past evening flooded in clear and vivid; the fact that she'd almost ended up riding her protégé. Her arousal hit wholly new levels and her eyes widened in the darkness. It had been _so close!_ Helen clinched her thighs tightly together and hissed almost angrily through her gritted teeth. The blood in her veins was gushing, burning. Her feet were trembling from arousal and anger as she stood up and walked towards the door.

_So close! _

And the door behind her slammed shut loudly.

Jolts of pain shot through her veins as her fists hit their target with deadly force. God, it felt good! All that had been bottled up and suppressed in her for too long now steamed out, raging.

_Adam! That filthy, filthy bastard!_

Another row of deadly force tore her knuckles open. She didn't care, now unable to feel the physical pain. Her awareness had been overrun by nearly animalistic anger, blurring the lines of sense and time. All the chaos one man in his lunacy had caused! He had been too stuck in his own obsession to see past it. She had tried to help him, she had! And god forbad the bastard, she did know how losing a child felt! Sweat was now gluing the thin black fabric on her skin. She hit that sack over and over again.

_And John then? _Bewildered growl escaped her lungs. She bit her lip, tasting her own bittersweet elixir of life. She was now almost clawing the boxing sack, hissing his name, completely oblivious to anything but the pain that was tearing her insides. _Hadn't she given him everything? Everything!_ The man was far too self-centered to realize she had feelings too, far too stuck making a living martyr out of himself. She screamed, yet heard nothing but the aggressive throbbing of her heart. The black of the boxing sack had streaks of red all across it by now. Her heartfelt pain.

The thought of Ashley brought her to her knees, one hand instinctively pressing against her stomach. The air got knocked out her lungs and tears burned on her skin as the final blow was given. Ripping pain on her abdomen, the loss, the pain.. Oh, the pain! _Ashley.. Ashley.._

"Ashley!" Crying out loud as she curled up in a fetus position, staring into nothingness.

Will had woken up to the slamming door and his gut instinct had told him to go after her. He'd wandered around for a while, until eventually finding his way to the Sanctuary gym. The sight greeting his eyes froze him still in silent respect. The sight that was his boss might as well been a force of nature in her mighty power. The sight of her made him… Humble, almost. Will quickly understood what he was witnessing, and all though he'd thought of interfering, he intuitively abandoned the thought. It only made perfect sense for his boss to finally.. let it all out. So he stood still, even though each of her punches felt like someone was stabbing him. By the time Helen was hissing out loud the Ripper's name, Will wanted to kill him. With. His. Bare. Hands. More than anything, he wished he could take away her pain, carry it on his shoulders. But he couldn't, and all he could do was to wait it out. By the time she was finished, Will had tears on his eyes as well. He silently walked towards the perfectly still, lifeless figure that was Magnus.

He swiftly lifted her to his arms, whispering soothing words to her. Silently, he made his way to the infirmary. Then, just as gently as he'd lifted her, he laid her down to the bed. Carefully, Will took her palms to his and kissed the skin that was torn open and bloody.

"Gosh, Magnus, I'm so sorry.." He muttered with a broken voice, but he was quite sure his boss wasn't in the state of mind to hear anything. He turned around, trying to figure out where the hell the bandages and gauges were. Eventually, he found what he was looking for and started mending her wounds.

The antiseptic still stung a little and Helen blinked in awe. It took her a while to make sense of where she was and why she was there. Will… She blinked again, surprised. Now that her mind wasn't awfully blurred with wine nor anger anymore, her thoughts were spinning wildly. How had he known to look for her? Had he been witness to.. well, whatever had caused her knuckles to tore open? She didn't remember much apart from the blind rage. The aching and throbbing on her hands told her that she'd used quite a lot of power. She closed her eyes again, gasping for air. Tears were falling down her cheeks again, but this time, it wasn't of pain, but gratitude. For at last, she felt in peace. She locked her eyes on her young protégé, and a silent thank you was spoken with no words.


End file.
